Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
