Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
