Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
