OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
