no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
