trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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