Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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