I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish you could order shots online.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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