It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
