In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
