So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
