he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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