Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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