I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
