real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize