My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
