Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
