why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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