in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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