sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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