Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
