I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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