Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
