Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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