That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How naked do you want me to be?
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