well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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