He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
