There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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