my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
