ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
