Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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