Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
