So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
