Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize