ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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