i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
