It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
