all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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