If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
