Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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