I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
