You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
