One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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