Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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