Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
