You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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