They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
