Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
