Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Boobs speak an international language.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
