Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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