Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize