I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
