my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
