You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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