The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
