I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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