I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
