You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
