dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
