So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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