I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
