my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
