she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
