I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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